My wife played a trick on me and left the computer up on Willie Bloomquist’s ESPN Player Card so that I would see it when I got home from work. She knows I despise him and thought it would be funny. She was, after all, voted “class clown” of her senior yearbook.

So, I took out my resulting anger/frustration by making this little list to show just how much Bloomquist sucks (as if you didn’t already know). Remember kids, scrappy is just a code word for “small, shitty white guy who can’t hit and gets his uniform dirty while playing bad defense and running into outs.”

In 2006…
Pitchers with more HR than Bloomquist: 16 (Carlos Zambrano has more HR this season than Bloomquist has in his entire career!)
Pitchers with as many or more 2B than Bloomquist: 8
Other players with a higher OBP than SLG (min 150 PA): 12 (Esteban German, Alex Cora, Brady Clark, David Eckstein, Jason Kendall, Jason LaRue, Brian Schneider, Brad Ausmus, Joey Gathright, Jerry Hairston Jr., Abraham Nunez).
Players with more AB and 0 HR: 3 (Miguel Cairo, Nick Punto & Joey Gathright)
Now, don’t be fooled, some of those players with a higher OBP than SLG are useful players. For instance, Esteban German’s OBP of .428 over 157 ABs makes him a useful player for the Royals, even if he’s slugging only .376. Some of those other guys are useful too, especially if you take their defense into consideration and you’re not paying them almost $12,000,000 (coughKendallcough). Willie Bloomquist, however, is a fucking joke. The fact that he’s started 39 games this year is disgusting; he shouldn’t be starting 39 games anywhere.